the struggle…

sometimes as a photographer, it’s hard to balance between what people think we do, and what we really do. i guess i can only speak for myself when i write this, but i thought i would give you all a glimpse into the reality of my reality.

i wish i could say my life is filled with sunshine and rainbows, swimming in waterfalls and climbing mountains at sunset, but that would be inaccurate. those things are a big part of my life when time and work allows, but for the most part, my life is every bit as real and normal as anyone elses.

i wake up each morning, usually an hour past the time i need to in order to get everything done. i put on my running shorts, socks, tank top with every intention of going running, i then sit down at my computer and open my emails, start responding to a few until i get distracted by something else that pops up on my screen. i look up and it’s now 12pm, i have completely forgotten to eat breakfast, i haven’t gone running yet and it is now 85 degrees outside and too hot, and that 2nd email reply is still sitting in a tab half written. i give up on the idea of running and go back to the email… finish the task at hand… and my sister calls! oh great, haven’t talk to her in a while… i catch up with my sister and it’s now 1:00pm, peters done with watching sports center and asking if i would like to go to the beach. well, i would love to go to the beach, but the idea of going in public in my current state is a stretch… i am sitting in running clothes that haven’t been used for running in over a month, my hair is 90% dry-shampoo since i haven’t had time to shower in the last 4 days, my inbox is still full and that damn email is still only half complete. in hopes to not let him down with his very sparse time off, i tell him i would love to, even though i know i shouldn’t. (but really shouldn’t i? it’s only healthy to have a little bit of a life, plus my relationship is most important, so really i should… got to hate that photographer’s guilt! there is always work to be done…) i quickly finish the email, send. whew. that feels good, 1 down 22 to go… i go into my bedroom and try and get a brush half way through my hair before giving up and settling for just being able to separate the entirety of it into 3 even-ish pieces to make somewhat of a braid. i throw my bikini on and it’s now 2:00pm, peter will have to leave for work in 2 hours. we get in the truck after much debate on where to go, and once we get there, we realize we are starving. awesome. pete goes surfing and i stay on the beach, glued to my phone attempting to answer the 3rd email on the list, reply to the facebook message of an old friend wondering where they should book their hawaiian vacation and the other message that just came in on my photography page inquiring about an engagement session. he comes in from surfing and i realize i’ve missed the whole thing and my fingers are cramping from typing on that little keyboard.. WHY didn’t I get the 6+!?

it’s now 3:30pm, i should probably try and find something to instagram before we have to leave in 30minutes to head back home so pete can get ready for work. i finally set down my phone and we chat and enjoy the sunshine, just enough to make us incredibly sleepy and not want to leave the beach. at 4:10, 10 minutes later than we should, we pack up and head home. pete showers off and gets ready while i sit back down at my computer and stare at the to-do list. by this time the 3 emails i somehow managed to answer earlier in the day have all sent their reply’s along with 2 new messages. i have 2 sessions to edit along with a wedding and i haven’t blogged in over a month. i write out my to-do’s as if i am a super woman and can just “get it all done” today, yes today is definitely the day i can do 14 times more than any other usual day… (WHY do i always think that??!). pete kisses me goodbye and i stare at my computer. the list seems so long i don’t really even start it, as i remember how hungry i actually am. i go into the kitchen and realize we have nothing to eat but a bell pepper and some valentines day chocolate chip cookies and, well, water. i realllly need to go to the grocery store, add that to the list…i make my plate with the interesting combination and sit back down at my desk. the internet modem has quit working once again and i decide it’s a blessing in disguise and open up lightroom. distraction free i finally finish the wedding, export, cross off the list. open the emails back up and attempt to get a hold on it when i look up and realize it’s 6:20pm and there is the most incredible sunset rainbow outside my office window. i grab my keys and run out the door to watch sunset in hopes of getting a photograph that is worthy enough to instagram only to realize i was 4 minutes too late and the sun has already set. i head back home, sit back down, and start searching through my camera role to see if i have a “latergram” that will makeup for my sunset tardiness. i choose one and when it comes time to write the caption, i completely space out and leave it sitting there with the blinking curser open on my desk for 2 hours until i realize it is now almost 9pm which is midnight in canada. much too late to post, better try again tomorrow. i finally zone back in to the next task, turn my music on and get to work. i’m crossing things off the list and it feels so good to be productive. i need to be more focused. i need to work more. look at everything i’m getting done!

11pm roles around and i notice i am sitting in the house in complete darkness, not a single light on and i am only being lit by the brightness of my computer screen. i haven’t stood up in hours, so i stretch my stiff legs out to get up to turn on some lights and casually lock the door, just because it seems creepy to have it sit there unlocked while i’m home alone. my eyes adjust to the light and i realize how much they hurt now from staring at the screen and my brain feels heavy and worn out. i count the hours and minus our 2 hour beach break i have been working for 12 hours. i turn on my writing playlist as i finally feel inspired enough to write a blog post and begin to write. i re-read and decide that 12am ramblings of my mind are not going to make sense to anyone but myself so i delete and try again. it’s 12am, pete should be home any minute, thank goodness. i am mentally exhausted and physically worn out from literally doing nothing. i should have went running… i would totally feel better if i had gone running. tomorrow morning, i’m definitely going to go running… repeat.

the life of a photographer.